Emotional labor

27 Jun 2017 19:11
erratio: (Default)
[personal profile] erratio
A condensed version of the post that really started the whole dialogue on emotional labor: drive.google.com/file/d/0B0UUYL6kaNeBTDBRbkJkeUtabEk/view
The post that helped crystallize it properly for me: english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

The idea of emotional labor has gotten a lot of traction lately online, but the main problem I keep seeing is that people have a hard time pinning down exactly what it is, as opposed to being able to point to various anecdotes that they think exemplifies the concept. This in turn leads to confusion, and often a significant subset of people (usually men) who find the anecdotes and the conversation around it to sound too much like "haha men, they suck so much, amirite?" So this is going to be an attempt to lay down a clear definition of emotional labor without the baggage.

Emotional labor is essentially a name for a managerial role in a relationship. This takes on a few different concrete forms.

The first is management of the household, appointments, shopping, and other assorted tasks that are generally shared across couples and/or housemates. Sweeping a floor or cooking dinner is not emotional labor, but being the person who makes sure that those things are accomplished is. It doesn't matter whether you get the floor swept by doing it yourself, asking your partner to do it, firing up a Roomba, or hiring a cleaning service; what matters is that you are taking on responsibility for making sure the task is done. This is why people who say that they would be happy to help with the housework if you would just tell them what needs doing are being a lot less helpful than they think. They're taking the physical labor component of the task but explicitly sticking the other person with the emotional labor component.

The second is taking responsibility for the likes, dislikes, feelings, wants and needs of other people who you are in a relationship with (and to be clear, it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship). Stereotypical scenarios that are covered by this kind of emotional labor include: the hysterical girlfriend who demands that her boyfriend drop everything he's doing to comfort her, the husband who comes home tense and moody after a long day at the office and wants to be asked how his day went and listened to and have validating noises made at him, noticing that the other person in a conversation is uncomfortable and steering the conversation to a more pleasant topic without having to be asked, helping a confused friend talk through their feelings about a potential or former partner, reminding your spouse that it's so-and-so's birthday and that so-and-so would appreciate being contacted, remembering birthdays and anniversaries and holidays and contacting people and saying or doing the right things on each of those dates,

Notice that that last emotional one crosses over into material relationship management again. I'm pretty sure that this is why the confusion is so rampant over what exactly emotional labor is, because other people see the cards and the cooking and whatnot and assume that those things are the emotional labor. They're really not. The emotional labor is the responsibility/management aspect. They're also the part that's invisible and easy to take for granted, particularly since management of other people's feelings is usually assumed to include not letting the other person feel bad about their lack of emotional labor skills.

decide for me

26 Jun 2017 23:44
boxofdelights: (Default)
[personal profile] boxofdelights
I am supposed to go to rounds every Tuesday from 6 to 7 at the raptor rehab where I volunteer. It's good to be up-to-date on protocols, and to get the news about the cases. On the other hand, there is always a lot of information I don't need, and there are other ways to get the information I do need.

Tomorrow night there is a storytelling event at a coffee house from 7 to 9. "The event will showcase a selection of community storytellers sharing stories on the theme of food and farm. We’ve invited six storytellers — writers, poets, performers, journalists, speakers — to prepare true, personal stories and share them in front of a live audience." I'd like to go. I am always interested in anything that could help me become a better storyteller.

I could skip rounds.
I could leave rounds 10 minutes early and go to both, but I hate getting up when everyone else is still sitting patiently, and also that would be a very long evening for me.
I could just stay home. Staying home is always good.
elf: Petalwing, singing (Petalwing Singing)
[personal profile] elf
Ok, we're back to lists. Not that I have a lot of options here; I don't listen to a bunch of loud music, and most of the songs I like aren't loud. But there are a few. I'm including songs that I don't think need to be loud all the way through, but have a section that I prefer to be at top volume so I can scream along with it and not year my own voice.

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go | Ballroom Blitz | Shut Up and Dance | It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) | Cum On Feel The Noize | We're Not Gonna Take It | I Wanna Be Sedated | Immigrant Song | Fat Bottomed Girls

...okay, maybe I do have a lot of options. Not as many as some of the others, but I'm not running out.

I have no idea what show or movie this was made from, but it's awesome )

Meme list

no totoro

26 Jun 2017 20:35
sasha_feather: horses grazing on a hill with thunderheads (horses and lightning)
[personal profile] sasha_feather
Jesse and I went to go see "My Neighbor Totoro" at the theater. We get there and it's very nearly sold out; we get the last two tickets that someone was refunding. Neither of us are quite trained into the new system where you are supposed to always buy your tickets ahead of time, having lived our whole lives as spontaneous movie-goers.

I get some snacks and we settle into our seats. The movie starts, the cute song and the little girl walking. Soon we realize, we are seeing the Japanese version with no subtitles. Someone alerts the staff and the movie plays on. I'm happy to watch it this way-- the story is very simple and to me, not understanding the words only plays into the dream-like quality of Miyazaki movies. But not long into it, the movie pauses and the manager comes in, to apologize. He says that they got the wrong version, and they will be playing the English dubbed version. Some people in the audience object. My friend a row below us calls out for people to clap if they want the dubbed version vs. if they want the Japanese version. It's about evenly split.

Well, they must have decided to do the dubbed version because they stopped the film. We decided to leave and get our refund.

Anyways, that is our Totoro story!

In Memoriam

26 Jun 2017 16:48
onyxlynx: Some trees and a fountain at a cemetery (A Fine and Private Place)
[personal profile] onyxlynx
All New York Times obits.

RIP Stewart Wieck

26 Jun 2017 20:16
ffutures: (Default)
[personal profile] ffutures
I forgot to mention that Stewart Wieck, another big name in gaming, died last week. He only 49 when he died - apparently he just collapsed suddenly after a fencing match. Most notable as one of the founders of White Wolf and a major writer for the World of Darkness books.




surovmag: (Default)
[personal profile] surovmag
Ну раз ленточка наполнилась постами об опаздывающих поездах и прочих транспортных средствах, накину пару ссылок на свои старые посты об халтурной работе замечательной компании "Дойче бан".

В Фюрт через Нюрнберг и обратно 2012. Транспортный пост

Ругательный пост про Deutsche Bahn

Ещё отдельно можно выделить "экспресс" Дрезден-Лейпциг. При времени в пути 1 час 10 минут он умудряется набрать 30 минут опоздания, а особо напрягает, что все объявления идут исключительно на немецком и касаются только тех, кто пересаживается на местечковые электрички, судьба пересаживающихся в Дрездене на "дальние" направления (Прагу в моём случае) совершенно никого не волнует...

А поезда там всё-таки красивые


doubt72: (Default)


...to my Dreamwidth blog, full of text and images and occasionally, perhaps, media. Especially media.

December 2015

  12 345